How to Bathe a Cat in 19 Easy Steps

Seriously?  You've never bathed your cat?  My first cat, on my own in my own home, was a tiny, scrawny, ugly little kitten with fleas.  She was a gift.  I'm glad to say she grew up to be a beautiful cat and sad to say she passed away at the ripe old age of 18.  This cat was bathed often.  At first it was to get rid of fleas. In Houston, Texas it is HOT in the summer.  She had long hair and she often slept in the cool bathtub, especially after my showers while the tub was still wet.  Bathing her was easy.  She liked it. Not all cats do.  

Bathing cats can be like bathing 2-year-old boys.  Sometimes you have to get in with them and have a little fun.  

The following is a step-by step guide of how to bathe your cat:

1.  Cut their nails.  Really.  Those things are dangerous and have torn up a few good shower curtains, not to mention my skin.
2.  Gather all your supplies.  Towels (plural), soap, plastic cup or bowl, comb, blow drier, change of clothes.  Band-aids if you skipped step 1.  
3.  Put kitty in the bathroom and close the door.  Love on them a little by combing or brushing their fur and cutting their nails (if you haven't already done so).
4.  Turn on the shower - yes I said the shower - and let it run for a little while and get it to warm to tepid.  A shower with a glass enclosure works better than a tub with a curtain.  Kitty can dive right through those things and pull down the curtain, rod and all.
5.  Get naked.  Yep. Go ahead and strip down, you're going to get all wet anyway.  
6.  Lovingly pick up kitty and love on him/her - feet facing out - and back into the shower.
7.  Close the door!!!  Quickly.
8.  Put kitty down, gently, not under the water spray and let them roam around and holler.  They will holler, moan, cry, scream.  You know, just like little boys who don't want to take a bath.
9.  Kneel down or sit down and nudge kitty under the water. They won't like it - at first - or at all.  Fill up the cup, pour it on to get kitty all wet then start massaging in the soap.  This part they might like.  The attention and the rub down is pleasurable if they can forget the wet, wet water and the noise of the shower.  
10.  Talk or sing to kitty.  
11.  Stay calm.  
12.  Now rinse.  If possible, pick up kitty - feet facing away from your delicate skin and stand up so the shower gets their belly. 
13.  All rinsed, time to squeegie.  Squeeze out as much water as possible so it doesn't end up all over your floor. 
14.  Carefully open the shower door and get the towel (or hang it over the door).  
15.  Dry your eyes then dry kitty as much as possible.  Wrap kitty in the towel and exit the shower.
16.  Place kitty on the counter and give him/her a good rub down.
17.  With blow drier on low and warm, give the full spa treatment with a blow out.  The delicate kitty skin will appreciate this gesture.  
18.  Dry yourself off and get dressed.
19.  Celebrate your success with a favorite delicacy or beverage.

Oliver during his shower.

Sally getting her post-shower rubdown

Time to blow-dry

Sally - Queen of her Domain.

Oliver

This is Oliver. He is 9 years old.  I'll explain the picture in a minute, but first let me tell you Oliver's story.  When Oliver was only 6 weeks old his house was hit by lightening and it burned down.  His family at the time had to move out quickly into a shelter and Oliver could not go.  I knew his family because they lived across the street from me.  He was so cute and playful I told my neighbors that I would take care of him for a little while.  I didn't see them again for over 3 months and by that time he had grown a lot and had been spayed (or is it neutered?).   Oliver lived on the back porch for a little while because I already had 2 cats and a dog.  My children, however, wanted to play with Oliver so they let him in.  Oliver had other ideas.  He wanted to play with the dog, Wilma.  Those two were so silly.  They would chase each other around the house.  Oliver would grab Wilma's tail and be dragged through the kitchen.  Sometimes Oliver would wrap his paws around Wilma's neck and she would run around trying, not very hard, to shake him off.  

A few years later, another dog was introduced, Angel.  Angel was a German shepherd.  Oliver and Angel played like brother and sister.  Angel would playfully insert Oliver's head into her mouth and give him a nice bath, with her teeth.   Not once did Angel hurt the goofy cat.   Wilma was older and slower by then, not as much fun as Angel.  By the way, Oliver did not play with the other two cats.  They were normal.  They did not like dogs and barely tolerated humans.  Angel and Oliver chasing and playing with each other was a sight to see! Sometimes it looked like Angel, who was at least 70 pounds heaver, was afraid of the cat. 

My mom sent me a book one year, as a gag, titled "How to Potty Train Your Cats."  You know what?  It works!  Well, it worked for Oliver.  The oldest cat, Wimpy, had passed at the ripe old age of 18, so I was left with a litter box for 2.   I followed the book, step by step.  Oliver dug right in.  He thought it was fun.  Sally, my fat calico, gave it her best shot, reluctantly.  In the end I had to resort back to the litter box because you can only have one or the other so the book says.   Oliver had the toilet down.  He would jump up, do his business and scamper away proudly.  Sally, not so much.  Reluctantly, the litter box returned. 

A few years later, Oliver became bulimic.   He made many, many trips to the vet.  I changed his food, the way he eats, when he eats.  Still, he's bulimic.  He eats and often gives it back. He is better now that we got the automatic feeder.  

Fast forward a few more years.   Both dogs have passed away.  Oliver's playmates have gone.  Sally is fatter and lazier than ever.  Who does Oliver turn to?  Who is his playmate now? Me.

Oliver is now my shadow.  He follows me everywhere I go.  When I open my door in the morning I hear not a creak but a 'meow'.  (He was banned from the bed when I got married the poor thing).  Oliver sits on my lap, see first picture, behind me, on my desk and at my feet.  He watches me run on the treadmill and even tries to join me.  He nibbles on my ankles when he is hungry even though we have the automatic feeder.  He sits on my lap every time I have a lap and drives my husband crazy.  Yesterday, he was batting at my headphones trying to get my attention.  And yes, he even follows me into the bathroom and wants to sit on my lap there.  When I open the shower door he jumps right in, often getting wet in the process.  

** Picture 1 is Oliver on my lap while I am trying to work.  Picture 2 is him sitting behind me while I am trying to work.  I could not find the one of him sitting on my monitor with his tail in the way.  Picture 3 is Oliver and Sally trying to stay warm. They are Florida cats and do not like the cold. 

I think Oliver needs a pet.  Or maybe a shiny new toy will suffice.  Still, he's cute and loveable - most of the time.