Phobias and fun? in Phoenix

If you read my last post, this is a followup to the "thing" looming over my head that I didn't want to do.  If you haven't, go back and read it and then make the recipe and relax while reading this post.

This is actually the journal I kept in the days leading up to and during the convention/conference spanning over a month's time.

The first thing that popped in my head when I heard about the Origami Owl convention was, "No thanks!"  I'm not comfortable in crowds, especially crows of women, hyped up on caffeine, all excited hootin' and a hollering .  I've had bad experiences in crowds (specifically in New Orleans and Manhattan).  When an outdoor vendor event became available during the time of the convention, I signed up.  I thought it would be great, no competition because everyone would be at convention and I'd be cozy in my little box.  Well, the post I put on our FB group site set off a firestorm.  Two of the people on my team jumped on and posted, 'you've got to go to convention!"  They gave me every reason in the book why I should go.  They were valid reasons, but I wasn't so sure.  Would I have to fly alone?  I don't like to fly.  Period.  Alone was out of the question.  How much would it cost?  Where would I stay? How would I get to the hotel?  Where and what could I eat?  Could I bring food?  "Don't worry about it," they said.  "We will get you the details later, just go sign up."  Right, me not worry - Hah!.  So, I prayed about it.  Gave it to God, took it back, gave it back to Him, found something else to stress over and took it back again.  

I signed up, then traveled to S. Korea with my husband and youngest daughter.  After six airplanes and two different hotels, I'm a little more relaxed.  I can do this, I thought.  Upon our return to the US I booked the shuttle to and from the airport then a few weeks later realized I had booked it for the wrong month!  Ugh!.  Called the shuttle and got it fixed, at least I hoped.

I didn't buy the team t-shirt.  My apologies, I thought it looked like something my mother wore bedazzled in the 1980s.  I'm sure the designer worked very hard on it, just not my taste.

I wanted to keep my food issues private, however with two pre-paid dinners, I had to let those in charge know.  I did check the hotel restaurant menu and figured out what to bring with me, so I was pretty sure I wouldn't starve - or get sick.

Someone posted a YouTube video about how to pack a carry-on that was helpful.  It worked quite well.  Clothes didn't wrinkle much and I had plenty of room for my purchases and freebies.  

A week away from conference and my nerves began to get to me.  I went to my first American Christian Fiction Writers meeting and was underwhelmed.  I was nervous to be in a group of "peers" and strangers who might tell me my writing stinks and I should go back to my day job.  At the meeting, there were nine of us.  Still, I was nervous.  I could just imagine how I would feel in a group of thousands.  

Fear paralyzes you and keeps you from doing things you want to do and things God wants you to do.  That is so true.  On Monday I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide.  I thought, "If my husband was going with me and my son wasn't waiting on test results, I'd feel a whole lot better."

Wednesday, the 23rd was my birthday.  I had a great time hanging out with my husband and our oldest daughter.  Lunch at downtown Disney, House of blues.  It was a great distraction.  While there, my friend who encouraged me to sign up called to check on me and give me encouragement.  It was much appreciated.  She then gave my info to the two women I'm to room with (whom I had only met once).  They, in turn, contacted me and encouraged me.  It soothed my nerves even more.  It was nice to know people are looking out for me. 

I tried to go to sleep early the night before my trip, but not even two melatonin could put me in sleepy land.  I got up at 5 am, stretched, exercised for a few minutes, showered, hung out with my husband until he had to leave for work.  Nicest thing - when we hugged goodbye, he didn't want to let go!  Usually, he stops hugging first.  My flight was scheduled to leave at 10:30, board at 9:50.  Of course, even though the airport is only 45 minutes away, I left at 6:30.  I made a smoothie, made sure I had everything, started praying, and got in the car.  Traffic was light, thank God.  I missed the blue lot where I was supposed to park and ended up in the garage by the terminal.  It cost more, but I wasn't going to circle the airport until I found it.  

My boarding pass was on my phone, but since I hadn't used the app before, I printed out a pass at the kiosk.  Went to the wrong airline kiosk the first time. Then, I almost forgot to empty my water bottle before going through security.  A guard said I could dump it in a nearby planter, so I did.  The passbook barcode worked!  Woo hop!  I was then shuttled down the security line to a man swiping hands.  I didn't know what that was all about, but wasn't about to argue.  Apparently, if your hands are clean, you get to be expedited, meaning you don't have to take off your shoes or empty your bags.  My necklace did set off the metal detector, though.  Not surprised since it did last trip.  Overall, I made it from car to gate in about 30 minutes.  Then, I sat and waited to board.  Facebook was all lit up from other Origami Owl designers posting about traveling and their excitement.  I wasn't excited, but I hoped to meet up with at least one person before arrival at the hotel.   

The flight from Orlando to Atlanta went smoothly. No bumps, no air sickness, no familiar t-shirts to identify comrades in convention.  On the walk to the next flight, I met up with a woman from Clemson, and then several more from all parts of the country when we reached the gate.  The young woman who ended up sitting next to me was a younger version of me.  She hadn't flow in over ten years.  She has motion sickness.  She was separated with a 2-year-old son.  I felt bad for her, I was in her shoes not long ago.  She got nervous at take-off.  I tried to keep her (and me) distracted by talking, but she threw up anyway.  Luckily, she hadn't eat all day.  On the descent, the ride became very bumpy, apparently due to hot air pockets, and we both got sick to our stomachs.  Neither of us threw up.  Whew!  Most of the passengers were green by the time we landed.  

I got off the plane and found the Super Shuttle with no problems.  The ride was only about 10-15 minutes to the hotel.  The star greeted me with a bottle of water and were friendly and helpful.  When I reached my room, the key didn't work.  Fortunately, hotel cleaning staff and a supervisor were on the floor and they quickly brought me two keys, which was good because my roommates were delayed.  I let them know I had an extra key so they wouldn't have to go to the registration desk.  I ate my packed lunch/dinner then met up with several ladies from my team who had arrived earlier in the day.  We went over to the convention center to check in and do a little shopping at the O2 store.  We got some great freebies and I bought an IPad cover and a t-shirt.  After standing in line for several hours both to get in to the very crowded store and for check-out, I quickly excused myself and went back to the hotel and tried to go to sleep.  My roommates finally arrived at 2:30 am.

The day had been long and exhausting and a bit overwhelming.  I hoped to be able to relax the next day and enjoy myself.  At this point, I was still a bit nervous and anxious and not at all having fun. The people I was with were familiar, but not "friends" or family.  I think had I been totally alone to wander as I pleased I would have felt better, but being thrust into a throng of strangers all hustling and bustling and trying to be "first" in everything was just a little....the word escapes me but angst comes to mind.  I can only take crowds in bits and pieces, small chunks at a time, then let me out - I need to escape.  

...more next time