Phobias and fun? in Phoenix

If you read my last post, this is a followup to the "thing" looming over my head that I didn't want to do.  If you haven't, go back and read it and then make the recipe and relax while reading this post.

This is actually the journal I kept in the days leading up to and during the convention/conference spanning over a month's time.

The first thing that popped in my head when I heard about the Origami Owl convention was, "No thanks!"  I'm not comfortable in crowds, especially crows of women, hyped up on caffeine, all excited hootin' and a hollering .  I've had bad experiences in crowds (specifically in New Orleans and Manhattan).  When an outdoor vendor event became available during the time of the convention, I signed up.  I thought it would be great, no competition because everyone would be at convention and I'd be cozy in my little box.  Well, the post I put on our FB group site set off a firestorm.  Two of the people on my team jumped on and posted, 'you've got to go to convention!"  They gave me every reason in the book why I should go.  They were valid reasons, but I wasn't so sure.  Would I have to fly alone?  I don't like to fly.  Period.  Alone was out of the question.  How much would it cost?  Where would I stay? How would I get to the hotel?  Where and what could I eat?  Could I bring food?  "Don't worry about it," they said.  "We will get you the details later, just go sign up."  Right, me not worry - Hah!.  So, I prayed about it.  Gave it to God, took it back, gave it back to Him, found something else to stress over and took it back again.  

I signed up, then traveled to S. Korea with my husband and youngest daughter.  After six airplanes and two different hotels, I'm a little more relaxed.  I can do this, I thought.  Upon our return to the US I booked the shuttle to and from the airport then a few weeks later realized I had booked it for the wrong month!  Ugh!.  Called the shuttle and got it fixed, at least I hoped.

I didn't buy the team t-shirt.  My apologies, I thought it looked like something my mother wore bedazzled in the 1980s.  I'm sure the designer worked very hard on it, just not my taste.

I wanted to keep my food issues private, however with two pre-paid dinners, I had to let those in charge know.  I did check the hotel restaurant menu and figured out what to bring with me, so I was pretty sure I wouldn't starve - or get sick.

Someone posted a YouTube video about how to pack a carry-on that was helpful.  It worked quite well.  Clothes didn't wrinkle much and I had plenty of room for my purchases and freebies.  

A week away from conference and my nerves began to get to me.  I went to my first American Christian Fiction Writers meeting and was underwhelmed.  I was nervous to be in a group of "peers" and strangers who might tell me my writing stinks and I should go back to my day job.  At the meeting, there were nine of us.  Still, I was nervous.  I could just imagine how I would feel in a group of thousands.  

Fear paralyzes you and keeps you from doing things you want to do and things God wants you to do.  That is so true.  On Monday I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide.  I thought, "If my husband was going with me and my son wasn't waiting on test results, I'd feel a whole lot better."

Wednesday, the 23rd was my birthday.  I had a great time hanging out with my husband and our oldest daughter.  Lunch at downtown Disney, House of blues.  It was a great distraction.  While there, my friend who encouraged me to sign up called to check on me and give me encouragement.  It was much appreciated.  She then gave my info to the two women I'm to room with (whom I had only met once).  They, in turn, contacted me and encouraged me.  It soothed my nerves even more.  It was nice to know people are looking out for me. 

I tried to go to sleep early the night before my trip, but not even two melatonin could put me in sleepy land.  I got up at 5 am, stretched, exercised for a few minutes, showered, hung out with my husband until he had to leave for work.  Nicest thing - when we hugged goodbye, he didn't want to let go!  Usually, he stops hugging first.  My flight was scheduled to leave at 10:30, board at 9:50.  Of course, even though the airport is only 45 minutes away, I left at 6:30.  I made a smoothie, made sure I had everything, started praying, and got in the car.  Traffic was light, thank God.  I missed the blue lot where I was supposed to park and ended up in the garage by the terminal.  It cost more, but I wasn't going to circle the airport until I found it.  

My boarding pass was on my phone, but since I hadn't used the app before, I printed out a pass at the kiosk.  Went to the wrong airline kiosk the first time. Then, I almost forgot to empty my water bottle before going through security.  A guard said I could dump it in a nearby planter, so I did.  The passbook barcode worked!  Woo hop!  I was then shuttled down the security line to a man swiping hands.  I didn't know what that was all about, but wasn't about to argue.  Apparently, if your hands are clean, you get to be expedited, meaning you don't have to take off your shoes or empty your bags.  My necklace did set off the metal detector, though.  Not surprised since it did last trip.  Overall, I made it from car to gate in about 30 minutes.  Then, I sat and waited to board.  Facebook was all lit up from other Origami Owl designers posting about traveling and their excitement.  I wasn't excited, but I hoped to meet up with at least one person before arrival at the hotel.   

The flight from Orlando to Atlanta went smoothly. No bumps, no air sickness, no familiar t-shirts to identify comrades in convention.  On the walk to the next flight, I met up with a woman from Clemson, and then several more from all parts of the country when we reached the gate.  The young woman who ended up sitting next to me was a younger version of me.  She hadn't flow in over ten years.  She has motion sickness.  She was separated with a 2-year-old son.  I felt bad for her, I was in her shoes not long ago.  She got nervous at take-off.  I tried to keep her (and me) distracted by talking, but she threw up anyway.  Luckily, she hadn't eat all day.  On the descent, the ride became very bumpy, apparently due to hot air pockets, and we both got sick to our stomachs.  Neither of us threw up.  Whew!  Most of the passengers were green by the time we landed.  

I got off the plane and found the Super Shuttle with no problems.  The ride was only about 10-15 minutes to the hotel.  The star greeted me with a bottle of water and were friendly and helpful.  When I reached my room, the key didn't work.  Fortunately, hotel cleaning staff and a supervisor were on the floor and they quickly brought me two keys, which was good because my roommates were delayed.  I let them know I had an extra key so they wouldn't have to go to the registration desk.  I ate my packed lunch/dinner then met up with several ladies from my team who had arrived earlier in the day.  We went over to the convention center to check in and do a little shopping at the O2 store.  We got some great freebies and I bought an IPad cover and a t-shirt.  After standing in line for several hours both to get in to the very crowded store and for check-out, I quickly excused myself and went back to the hotel and tried to go to sleep.  My roommates finally arrived at 2:30 am.

The day had been long and exhausting and a bit overwhelming.  I hoped to be able to relax the next day and enjoy myself.  At this point, I was still a bit nervous and anxious and not at all having fun. The people I was with were familiar, but not "friends" or family.  I think had I been totally alone to wander as I pleased I would have felt better, but being thrust into a throng of strangers all hustling and bustling and trying to be "first" in everything was just a little....the word escapes me but angst comes to mind.  I can only take crowds in bits and pieces, small chunks at a time, then let me out - I need to escape.  

...more next time

Recipe for a fear-less day

I have a very full to-do list today  I'm not doing it.  Why?  Because there is this 'THING' looming over me that makes me very afraid.  Paniky even.  I know about fear.  I know about worry.  I know what the Bible says about both.  Did you know, "Be strong and courageous" is in the Bible 365 times?  That's one for every day.  I need it today and tomorrow, and all week in fact.  Here's another:  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7.  

That's all well and good, but right now fear is paralyzing me.  I want to crawl under a rock and cry.  You see, Thursday I'm getting on an airplane - by myself- and flying to Phoenix, AZ for a conference.  Thousands of happy, rah rah women packed in a giant room.  I won't be alone but I sure will feel alone.  I'm bringing my running shoes in case I need to bolt.  

It wouldn't be so bad if my husband were coming.  It wouldn't be so bad if I was not concerned about my son's test results.  It wouldn't be so bad if my daughter wasn't moving out next month. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have a birthday coming up.  One of those, "wow you're old" ones.

You may say, "So don't go."  

I have to.  

"Why?", you ask.  

Because it terrifies me, that's why.

If I sat here at my desk all day and didn't do the things that terrified me I would whither and die.  I wouldn't be useful to God, my husband, or my family.  I would never have traveled to S. Korea and climbed a mountain and a volcano.  I would never have run a marathon or three.  I would never have left a toxic marriage and found a man I love so much it hurts to be away from him for four days in Phoenix.  I could go on, but right now, I'm trying to talk myself out of the fear the looms ahead.

So, I bake.  I bake because it gives me something to do that doesn't take too much brain power. I bake because I need to take food with me when I travel because of my allergy.  I bake because I can do it while listening to music at full blast.  That relaxes me.  (Oh, don't worry, I already did my run today.  That was relaxing, too, even though it was 90 degrees and 100% humidity).  

Here is what I baked today:

Whole wheat and oat bread. The recipe is on another post.

Zucchini and blueberry muffins:

3 eggs
1/2 cup olive oil
1/2 cup all natural applesauce
1 cup unprocessed, local honey
1 large zucchini, grated. (i put mine in the food processor)
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup blueberries, frozen(thawed) or fresh
2 cups whole wheat flour
1 cup Quaker oats, old fashioned, ground fine
3 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground cloves
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 cup chopped raw almonds
1 cup unsweetened flaked coconut

Preheat oven to 350F.  Grease mini loaf pans or large muffin tins. Mix in order of recipe, wet then dry.  Let sit for a few minutes.  Bake for about 25-30 minutes.  Don't over bake or they will dry out.  Take out of tins quickly. The blueberries will stick if you wait too long.  

Refrigerate when cool.  These can be frozen, wrapped individually.

Zuchhini/blueberry muffins

Dairy-free and delicious

I ate this one. It was really good.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?  Matthew 6:25-27

Deuteronomy 31:5 The Lord will deliver them to you, and you must do to them all that I have commanded you. 6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

7 Then Moses summoned Joshua and said to him in the presence of all Israel, “Be strong and courageous, for you must go with this people into the land that the Lord swore to their ancestors to give them, and you must divide it among them as their inheritance.

God tells his people over and over again in the New Testament - be strong and courageous.  If they can. I can, too.

After posting this, a friend posted Philippians 4:6 on Facebook.  God knows what I needed to hear.  

Apple/Banana muffins

I've been baking almost all day today.  I started with my Energy Bites (see previous post) and this one is a variation of my banana bread.  If it's too sweet, cut the honey by a tablespoon.  It came out very moist and yummy!  

Recipe:
2 eggs
3/4 cups unprocessed, local honey
1 apple, chopped fine
2 bananas, mashed (they don't have to be super soft/overripe)
1 tsp vanilla extract
3/4 cups whole wheat flour
1-1/4 cup Quaker old fashioned oats (put 1/2 to 3/4 in a food processor and coarse grind)
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp ground cinnamon (or more to taste)
1 cup chopped, raw almonds

Stir in wet ingredients, then oats, then the rest of dry.  I put mine in mini loaf pans, made 12. Bake at 325 for 25 minutes-30 minutes.  Slightly underdone is fine, they are very moist.  

Apple/Banana muffin.

Top with all-natural peanut butter for a perfect breakfast.

HONEY ENERGY BITES

I concocted this recipe a few weeks ago because energy gels were making me gag and cough.  Two or more made me nauseous.  I am training for a marathon, again, so I needed on the go nutrition.  I started with one per run with a gel then gradually increased the homemade energy and eliminated the gels.  My last run, I ate two bites (twice the size of the ones pictured) and no gels!  I had plenty of energy and no upset stomach.  Woo Hoo!  

Here is the recipe:

1 cup local, unprocessed honey
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp salt
3 cups Quaker, old fashioned oats.  Puree 1 cup
1 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup chopped, dairy-free dark chocolate chips.  (I use Enjoy Life brand)

Add ingredients in order listed, stirring well after each.

Spoon a teaspoon-sized portion onto parchment sprayed with cooking Spray

Bake honey energy bites 5 minutes at 350 degrees F.

Cool well then freeze in air-tight container.

As an energy bar during exercise over one hour, eat two every 45-60 minutes.  Start with one to make sure it does not upset your stomach - especially if you are not used to eating real food during a work out.

There are only approximately 34 calories per bite.  To increase the calories, add finely chopped raw almonds (buy in bulk and puree in food chopper yourself), dried fruit, or add more chocolate chips.

My Korean Adventure - Round 2, Jeju

(pictures at the end)
I have just wrapped up my second trip to South Korea.  I feel very blessed to have been able to accompany my husband on his business trips.  The Korean people are so kind and generous to have invited not only me, but our children as well.  Only the youngest, Rachel who is 14, was able to go with us.

Since this was my second trip, I was a little more prepared for the long travel time.  I packed mints and chapstick to help with the dry airplane air.  That didn't help the boredom, however.  I don't usually sit for more than a few minutes at a time before getting up and running (around).  The flights to Detroit, Detroit to Seoul Inchon were thankfully uneventful and we arrived at our hotel tired yet ready for adventure.

At 5 am the next morning, Mark, Rachel, and I hit the running trail two blocks from the hotel. It was the same trail we had run before so was a very familiar and energizing run (for me at least).  

After breakfast, Rachel and I set out to explore, this time with me as tour guide.  We took the subway to Gangnam, walked around the neighborhood a bit until I spotted a sign for COEX.  I remembered my son telling me it was a mall.  We followed the sign, followed the sign, then finally asked someone how far.  About an hour later, I spotted a little sign on a door that read COEX.  We went in and was underwhelmed.  It was a normal-looking underground shopping mall with an aquarium.  We didn't go to the aquarium because it was crowded with school children.  Following a short rest, we discovered a subway station - in the mall - and hopped a train back to the hotel.

When Mark returned that evening after work he asked if we'd like to go to Jeju Island in the morning.  Heck Yeah!!  I was thrilled.  I had hoped to be able to go to this volcanic island we had been told about on the last trip.

Early the following morning we hopped a plane from Gimp airport to Jeju.  That was an experience in itself.  Lots of young couples and little children running around.  Not a "non-Asian" in sight.  The flight was quick, only 50 minutes.  We arrived to clear blue skies and warm temps a little apprehensive about what to expect.  We were blessed to have been given a driver for the duration of our trip who we were told spoke English.  We hoped that was true.

The driver thankfully met us at the gate and immediately asked us, in pretty fair English, what our plans were.  We didn't really have any.  He drove us along the western border of the island along the shoreline.  It was beautiful.  Very much not what I had expected - not that I had great expectations.  Maybe I was expecting the Hawaii I had seen on TV.  The beaches were black volcanic rock with a little sand, not at all "touristy".  

After about an hour of driving he stopped in the middle of the road and turned off his car engine.  I thought he had car trouble until he smiled and pointed at the road.  We were moving backward - uphill!   The road was called Mysterious Road because of the optical illusion.  Google it, there are videos that are pretty cool.  

Next stop was a place called Tropical Hallimpark, a nice walking tour garden.  He then took us to a Korean BBQ for dinner. This was awkward because no one in the place spoke any English and even though the menu had English and we were able to point to order, the lady couldn't understand what we wanted and the driver, oh his name was Mr. Moon, had a difficult time translating.  We eventually ordered beef and rice and with it came the usual Korean fare which was pretty much untouched.

Finally, late in the day near sunset we arrived at the Y Hotel.  I was completely surprised at the modern architecture of the building set in the middle of absolutely nowhere.  It is located on the southern border near Seogwipo.  We had a suite with two bathrooms, a kitchen, and a balcony overlooking the ocean.  Can you say - I'm never going home?

Day two, I asked my husband where he wanted to go.  His answer, to my surprise was Hallasan.  My husband, the clean room engineer wanted to go hike a volcano.  Can you say - I'm in love?!  The driver picks us up on time and starts driving north.  We pass through a little area full of buses and says casually, "I pick you up here."  We don't comment because we weren't really sure what he said or meant and because he kept on driving for half an hour.  We get to the beginning of the Seongpanak Trail, Mr. Moon gives us instructions and a map and says, "see you at 4."  That's in 7 hours.  We knew it was a long hike.  I looked at my husband and he's all smiles (for now).  And we're off!!   We had hiked a mountain last trip so we sort of knew what to expect.  This trail was different.  For one, it was slippery.  It had rained the day before.  Two, the trail was rockier, smaller rocks, not quite as steep - at first.   We stopped and took pictures at every trail maker all the way up to 1900 feet!.  Four hours up and four hours down!  About 3/4 of the way up we started crossing paths with young adults from Hyundai Motor Co all dressed alike.  There must have been a thousand of them!  That made the trek as little less enjoyable because they were running up and down, and a few fell and got injured.  The peak was crowded with these guys, and a few females.  Interestingly - we were the only Americans.  We did see I think two "non-Asians" but I believe they were Eastern Europeans.  Didn't get a chance to talk to them.  

By the end of our hike, my husband was a mean mountain lion and I mean that in the most respectful and admirable way! He was so much out of his comfort zone as he hopped from rock to rock, boulder to boulder, up and down the mountain encouraging me and Rachel on. Rachel by the way was a real trooper!  

Mr. Moon was at the finish line (that what it felt like to me) waiting as promised to take us to our hotel where we collapsed from exhaustion.

Tired, but not wanting to waste a moment of our precious gift, we traveled to Choenjiyeon to see a 'famous' waterfall the next morning.  It was a cloudy day with a chance of rain but we wanted to see as much outdoor sites as possible.  There were a ton of museums to choose from, but nature is so much better!!  The waterfall was just that - a waterfall.  The most interesting thing to watch was the tourists.  A huge percentage of tourists in Jeju are Chinese and one of my favorite pastimes is people watching so we sat for half an hour just watching them take pictures of each other.

People watching over, we were hungry - but not for Korean BBQ.  We found a Wester-style restaurant but alas it was closed.  Mr. Moon took us to an alternative just down the street - Chinese buffet!  Mark wasn't too sure until he saw the pizza and spaghetti!  Really?  That was so funny.  

Next stop, Seongsanilchulbong.  "Seongsanilchulbong sunrise peak is a classic tuff cone that was formed around five thousand years ago by a hydrovolcanic eruption in a shallow water seabed."  It is located on the northeast corner of the island.  When I looked it up, it appeared to be a short walk, not a hike, to the rim.  I was wrong.  Mr. Moon showed us that we could do the half course, which only took 30 minutes since we were tired from the day before.  When we got to the base, I really wanted to go up.  My husband said go, he and Rachel would walk around the bottom.  So, I went.  Rather, I jogged up the bazillion steps to the top.  I was sweaty and exhausted.  My thighs were burning but it was worth it.  I only wished the sun were out and we could have done this at dawn.  Nevertheless, the view of the clouds rolling in was breathtaking.  I took a dozen or so pictures then jogged down another bazillion steps, calves aching all the way.    I think we all fell asleep in the car ride back to the hotel.

Last day in Jeju we only had a half day.  Our flight was late afternoon.  Geomunoreum Lava Tube was the only item on the agenda.  It was a dreary day and the information pamphlet said it was indoors so I figured that would be a good place to visit.  Well... it was indoors.  If you've ever been in a cave, and I have so I should have known, you will know that caves are cold and wet, especially when it's raining outside.  I almost turned around and aborted but my awesome husband said something like, oh it's only two miles, you can do two miles. (one way mind you).  I felt totally underdressed/improperly dressed.  I almost changed and put my sneakers on but instead was wearing my Bob's.  I felt a little better when I saw other tourists wearing dresses and heels.  I think it's a culture thing.   I can usually spot the tourist by the shoes.  Europeans wear Crocs, Birkenstocks, or hiking sandals.  Americans wear flip flops or running shoes.  

*** For everyone out there reading this - I am not judging or prejudging or prejudiced against anyone!!   I am merely having a running commentary on the people I observe, the culture I experience, and how out of place I felt.  I completely loved my time and the people I have met here.  Quite honestly, the US is such a melting pot, everyone looks American.

I digress.  After the hike, it was back in Mr. Moon's car.  He took us to another buffet - VIPs.  It was sort of a fusion steak/salad bar buffet thing.  Not too bad.  Once at the airport, it was people-watching time. I could do a whole blog on people at the airport.  Maybe I will later.

Our last day in Seoul we went to Lotte World.  I could do a blog on that, too.  Quite a different experience.  It's sort of a Korean version of Disney World.  

Enough said.  How about some photos?

View from the taxi, west side of Jeju.

Beach at Jeju Island.

Mark, Rachel, and myself with an island in the background, Jeju.

Hallimpark.

Statue in Hallimpark.

Beautiful waterfall with sculptures at Hallimpark.

Y resort.

Our starting point at Hallasan.

Going up Hallasan.

Rest stop at Hallasan. Locals in their North Face gear.

Rachel and Mark are TIRED at 1700.

Hallasan crater at 2000 meters.

Relief at the finish of our 8-hour trek.

View from our room at Y Resort.